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I think I got it
Jan. 21st, 2011 07:02 pmI think I finally figured things out.
I think I'm trying to run away from Chicago and life here because things have become hard instead of facing things on my own and dealing with that I have.
I mean lets face it I have a decent job and a place to live and wonderful friends all over the place. So why does it feel like things aren't going my way... well I'm letting them fall apart. Rather than putting effort into something I'm letting things slide and letting them decay and not taking care of the infrastructure. I guess it's to make it feel easier to leave everything when you don't really care about things when in reality you do care. It's soo much easier to not put any effort and to run away than to face your problems head on and fix what needs to be fixed.
Realizing this actually pisses me off that I would piss my life away like this. I mean I know what I have isn't great but not trying to do anything will lead to mediocrity.
It's funny this was brought on by my boss today who wants me to succeed and because of ST:TNG last night in which Picard has a chance to change something in his life that he regretted. The moral of the story, I have never taken any chances, any risks, without being sure I had something to fall back on, and even then I've still never risked much. I have changed and grown, yes, but have I really done anything worth wild with my life. I need to change this. I really need to focus on myself and fix all the problems I see. I need to kick myself in the ass and just do it too.
I think I'm trying to run away from Chicago and life here because things have become hard instead of facing things on my own and dealing with that I have.
I mean lets face it I have a decent job and a place to live and wonderful friends all over the place. So why does it feel like things aren't going my way... well I'm letting them fall apart. Rather than putting effort into something I'm letting things slide and letting them decay and not taking care of the infrastructure. I guess it's to make it feel easier to leave everything when you don't really care about things when in reality you do care. It's soo much easier to not put any effort and to run away than to face your problems head on and fix what needs to be fixed.
Realizing this actually pisses me off that I would piss my life away like this. I mean I know what I have isn't great but not trying to do anything will lead to mediocrity.
It's funny this was brought on by my boss today who wants me to succeed and because of ST:TNG last night in which Picard has a chance to change something in his life that he regretted. The moral of the story, I have never taken any chances, any risks, without being sure I had something to fall back on, and even then I've still never risked much. I have changed and grown, yes, but have I really done anything worth wild with my life. I need to change this. I really need to focus on myself and fix all the problems I see. I need to kick myself in the ass and just do it too.
