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I'm beginning to feel like a stranger in my own home.
My ex and I rarely even talk to each other, it seems, unless necessary. I have found that I really don't have many friends in Chicago (I mean yes the random furry events are cool and all but aside from a few I really don't know any of them). Chicago feels like Cincinnati all over again. Don't get me wrong Chicago is quite an awesome city but I guess paying attention too much to the relationship and not enough on... well me, that I haven't gained any friends here besides a couple of people.
Yes this is another whine journal.
I do admit the fault is all mine. I don't interact well with others in large groups (ie don't like bars and don't mind parties but don't interact well in them). I feel people see me as weird too, which in itself is just odd being a fur and all. So being seen as weird makes me feel weird makes me shut down.
I've also found that I am very dependent on people. When I go do something I have to do it with someone. It feels like not doing something with someone is in some way boring and not worth the effort.
It seems like everything is pointing to the fact that I need to start working on myself. I need to start doing things for me and me alone. It doesn't mean I have to ignore friends etc but it means if I want to do something then do it. Don't do it because of someone elses expectations or don't not do it because you can't get anyones approval or anyone to help. Just do it.
For me though this is rather hard to break.
I don't think I've ever really, fully lived for myself. Whenever I think of something I want to do for me I always seem to push it off or put myself down so that I don't accomplish anything. Like my whole sewing projects. I get everything set aside, get the supplies, and when it comes to actually do something with it... I don't. I can't seem to get past go on anything I want to do for myself. I keep on saying it's because I don't know how to do it. Well that's partially true. If it were just learning though I could easily learn how to do it.
I just need to figure out that block that's blocking me to do stuff for me. Not for someone else but for me.
My ex and I rarely even talk to each other, it seems, unless necessary. I have found that I really don't have many friends in Chicago (I mean yes the random furry events are cool and all but aside from a few I really don't know any of them). Chicago feels like Cincinnati all over again. Don't get me wrong Chicago is quite an awesome city but I guess paying attention too much to the relationship and not enough on... well me, that I haven't gained any friends here besides a couple of people.
Yes this is another whine journal.
I do admit the fault is all mine. I don't interact well with others in large groups (ie don't like bars and don't mind parties but don't interact well in them). I feel people see me as weird too, which in itself is just odd being a fur and all. So being seen as weird makes me feel weird makes me shut down.
I've also found that I am very dependent on people. When I go do something I have to do it with someone. It feels like not doing something with someone is in some way boring and not worth the effort.
It seems like everything is pointing to the fact that I need to start working on myself. I need to start doing things for me and me alone. It doesn't mean I have to ignore friends etc but it means if I want to do something then do it. Don't do it because of someone elses expectations or don't not do it because you can't get anyones approval or anyone to help. Just do it.
For me though this is rather hard to break.
I don't think I've ever really, fully lived for myself. Whenever I think of something I want to do for me I always seem to push it off or put myself down so that I don't accomplish anything. Like my whole sewing projects. I get everything set aside, get the supplies, and when it comes to actually do something with it... I don't. I can't seem to get past go on anything I want to do for myself. I keep on saying it's because I don't know how to do it. Well that's partially true. If it were just learning though I could easily learn how to do it.
I just need to figure out that block that's blocking me to do stuff for me. Not for someone else but for me.
