(no subject)

How would you guys feel if the people you grew up with on the internet actually got jobs in the feilds they love and are making money on art and such when you yourself have languished and done nothing?

I just found out that basically everyone on VI left because they are actually using their artistic/computer talents for something and I am here wasting away in retail because I'm too fucking lazy to go and find something better for myself. So basically I am living in a pipe dream because I am upset that everyone around me has one to do other things with their life and I haven't I guess.

Why haven't I is the question? What drives this irrational lazyness that consumes me?

I know I am capable of doing creative things. Why aren't I doing them though?

This is most depressin and making me rather anrgy.

Well let me see if voicing this will help get my thoghts out on the subject of me and my creativity.

I love ideas. I love thinking about stories, coming up with the characters, the plots, the plots twists, the worlds even but when it comes to writing... The thing is I can see it all in my mind but never put it down in words or if I do it's never the right words and so I stop. I just can't continue something I doesn't sound right from the beginning. But the ideas still linger. It's a good thing too. Some of those ideas were rather bad but have matured and grown as I have grown. Now I have a few great ideas but still no way of writing them the way I want them to be written (by me of course). I don't know how long these ideas can just linger here and I don't know how long I can stand not doing anything about them.

I need to get out of this funk that I'm in. What is the core route of my lazyness so I can weed it out altogether. Is it because I know I am no where near as good as the people who I grew up with on the internet? That nothing I can probably do is anywhere in comparison to what they have already done? Well I don't think that was a problem until now. And even then it might help force this lazy shell open.

I've always known my stories were subpar. The ideas were great just the implimenting them not so good. I think I like to simply things to their easiest forms. Why write a giant word that no one would really get and I'd have to check to make sure I am spelling it right when I can just use a simple form of that experssion or word. Why overly describe something when a few words will do. But I think maybe that's where people stop and take notice. They notice things they can fully visualize. They typically don't notice the simple things becuase they are plain and easy. But they notice the complex.

Maybe that's the problem right there. I'm not complex guy. I'm a simple guy. I like simple things and I get by with my simple (if occasionally boring) life.

Well dammit I'm fucking tired of the simple life. I left Cincinnati because I was tired of it and I'm fucking tired of reenacting that simple life in a far cooler and nicer place like Chicago. I wanted to do things with my life an that's why I moved here. I did not want to move here to get into the same damned rut I was in Cincy.

So now what am I going to do about this?

I don't know. I need to change myself. the surrounds have changed. My life has changed for the better but I haven't.

Here are things I need to accomplish:

New Job
Get out of Debt
Use my creativity (IE write something and continue writing it)
Fix up VI (even though that's my past I still want to make it something cool for the future)

Okay I guess that is enough ranting for the day. I just need to do something though. Hopefully this will be a start.