Fears

Posted from Cyan Gear ( www.cyangear.com )

I seem to whine a lot on my LJ about why I can't/don't do anything so I thought for my second post I would voice all of them for once and hopefully all. I don't plan on reposting these again.

I think my main reason for not actually doing anything I set out to do is fear. Either fear of success, fear of failure, fear that it will never be any good. Unfortunately these fears pretty much paralyze my actions. I mean I will get up to the point where I could easily be able to start and just don't. For example, with writing I always start a story get the first couple of paragraphs and then don't like something and want to change it or don't think it's a good enough beginning so never continue onward, also with sewing I have all the materials, I have a decent sewing machine and cheap serger, I know where I can get information on how to learn how to use both myself but I don't and everything sits there.

So why not go through these fears/problems real quick.

Fear of Success/Failure:

I don't really feel I have a fear of success, I think more often it's a fear of failure combined with my ideals of success that really stop me from doing anything. Whenever I think of something I want to do I always have this image in my mind (being a visual thought person in general). I feel I should be able to get this lofty vision of what I want done but know at my skill level that I can't do it. So instead of testing and trying different things I do nothing. I guess I am so fearful that whatever I am going to do is going to suck that I don't even try, don't even give myself the chance, after all if you don't try then you don't fail. On the same token if you don't try you don't succeed either, and if you don't keep trying you'll never improve from something that may at first be crap to something that could be worth something to someone.

Comfortzone:

I have a huge comfortzone issue as well. Which basically is when I am at home I don't really want to do much of anything. This is bad for multiple reasons, one being that I can't seem to do something I like, even writing, because my head is stuck in my laptop or the TV. I feel I need to relax when I am at home, but I don't think about sewing or writing as something I can do to relax as well. This all goes into the fact of the above fears. If I am in a relaxation mood I don't want to be frustrated, creative blockage frustrates me, so rather than getting frustrated by it, just don't do it. It's funny because it seems the same way when I deal with drama, rather than get involved in it I try and stand aside and be impartial. Being impartial is okay for drama but standing aside and not getting involved in your own creative growth is not.

The Need for Help:

I'm definitely one to ask for help when needed but it seems I ask for help on things that sometimes I should just do on my own. I mean you'll never learn until you try it yourself. I always want someone to show me how to do something, as if I will gleam some knowledge on how they are doing it. In that aspect it's not bad if I am taking a class or something but it you don't take "Now that I can do that I think I'll try it on my own" away from the class the what is the point of it or of you getting someone to show you how to do it. With writing I always like to have collaboration because I like the interaction with other people and I like the ideas that flow, but at the same time it goes back to me being afraid of what I am doing is crap. I know I have some stuff I have written that was good enough to publish so if I have some like that then I can do it again without help. But I guess it doesn't register that way.

Solution:

I don't know the solution to answering these fears and blocks to my creativity. I thought even discussing them would help me change but I have discussed them a number of times and have done nothing to change them. Maybe you have to change yourself, but it's such a hard thing to do. What I really need to do is stop letting my fears rule how I tackle creative projects. I need to just do it.