This has been a hectic last few weeks for me, but really has opened my eyes to some things.

June 7th My ex/roommate/one of my dear friends mom died. It was sudden but apparently after reading through some of her journals she was in pain for quite some time but never told anyone. This hit me extremely hard. Jason's mom always treated me like one of the family and I cared a lot about them. So what happened she suffered a heart attack and Jason left right when he found out to check on her and see if she was okay. On his way there though he found she had already passed. I couldn't handle it. I went home from work that day and couldn't work Friday either. Saturday I took the Amtrak up to Milwaukee to meet up with him and bring some clothes (which unfortunately I brought the wrong things) and basically just be there in his time of need. I wish I could have done more but understand just being there helped him a lot.

The worst thing though this happens right before I am to take off for AC and then to visit my mom, basically two weeks away from Chicago. As much as I needed the vacation myself I really didn't want to leave Jason alone.

But to continue I had fun at AC and basically visited what at this point would consider my extended family, Kelby and Makuus. I spent most of my time with them and even went home after the con with them because I was going to see my mom right afterwords.

AC was a blast and reconnected with a lot of friends that I would say were quickly becoming family as well.

Now I am here at my moms suffering from a bit of concrud and tearing up as I write this. I feel bad that I left Jason to see my mom and to have fun, to see my extended family, and wish I could be there for him. I mean I would be jealous of me at this moment and hope he doesn't harbor any bad feelings towards me, but at the same time this vacation couldn't have happened at any better time. You never know what is going to happen and I am happy to be able to spend this time with my mom.

The other angle is too I have been wanting to move out lately, still considering the DC area and have a couple of friends willing to help me out in order to make it so, but then feel like I am abandoning Jason. I don't want to feel like making my life better is going to be detrimental to his.

So yeah emotional dump on LJ as always. Thanks for listening.
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cyan_icewolf

August 2014

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